Life Alert: Can you please state your emergency?
Me: Yeah these niggas got me fucked up
me: okay its time to be productive today
me: let me just go on tumblr first
me: well its getting late i should probably get to bed

have you ever tried to write a diary it’s freakin hard and all the movies lied ok

asian parents: yes

samanthaaajoy:

I wanna go home. School feels like hell. Err.

i like how on my birthday i get presents and money

i get paid for being born

i get paid

for living

it’s like being Kim Kardashian for a day

michaelpalin:

i dont understand the pleasure in sexting 

like ok what if i got a text that was like ‘oh my dick is hard’ like

what would

?????

how do i respond??

‘i’m so happy for you’

cayde:

going from “i just want to cuddle up and be cute” to “i want to rip your clothes off and pin you against the wall” takes me approximately 0.94 seconds